A Harley and Joker Christmas Poem
by jna3a
Summary: As they say on Saturday Night Live's Dysfunctional Family Christmas, "Christmas time, you force a smile!"


A Harley and Joker Christmas Poem

In a Gotham apartment sat Harley Quinn

Watching the Christmas special that the Grinch was in.

The Joker was opposed, but Harley wanted to stay hip.

So she watched by herself, savoring some chips and dip.

But the show made her think, "Why wouldn't Puddin' want me to watch

A show about a bad guy with Christmas to botch?

For all the little Who's in Whoville, their Christmas will be screwy.

Why wouldn't Mista J let me see their joy go kabluey?"

The snow trickled down, with Christmas in each flake.

As Harley thought about her betrayal and the hatred it'd create.

She felt awfully bad that she'd gone against the Joker.

And she still loved him, never letting Ivy coax her

"Just up and leave him 'cause that's what I'd do.

Get a life, move on, find someone new."

Harley thought, "I couldn't do that, I love Mista J

And I'll never let him go, no matter what Red might say."

Then she gazed at the Grinch's lime green fur

Which looked like the Joker's hair to her.

She became so enamored she fell into a swoon

Thinking of getting married to the Joker, then their honeymoon.

Oddly enough, that same Clown Prince of Crime

Stood right behind her, he'd been there the whole time.

When Harley thought he had left, he'd lingered in the hall

Then went around and used a ladder to climb the back wall.

He had hoped that she would obey his command

But now saw with disgust that he'd bluffed the wrong hand.

"You dimwitted fool" he whispered with a gaze

At a contented Harley who seemed in a daze.

He looked at the screen and mistakenly thought,

"It's that Grinch, I see it, ol' Harley's been caught.

What could she see in a big green buffoon

Who's not even evil? What a dreadful cartoon!"

Then the Joker thought of Harley's obsession of him

And deciphered a conclusion that seemed utterly grim.

"I wonder just what that Harley might do.

If the Grinch turns good, does she want me to be too?

That's it! Harley wants to change my demeanor!"

The thought of being good caused The Joker to grow meaner.

"She's so stuck in the clouds, she wouldn't do as I wished.

She's plotting, she's conjuring, there's a plan in her midst.

I won't let her to do it, I know that now

I must stop her from trying, but how?

Her thinking that way is an outright insult."

Then he thought, "That's it, I'll fling her away in a catapult!"

Later that day, when the show was long over

Joker crept to the roof, the night his cover.

And he set up his weapon with evil intention.

And tied up the flinger in perfect suspension.

He then went to Harley's room, quietly he crept

Seeing the harlequin with a smile as she slept.

He snuck over to her in the middle of the night.

Made sure she was out, then tied her up nice and tight.

Then he put her in his clown car and then into place

In the catapult that would eventually fling her through space.

But she soon awoke and like the screeching of a hawk

Yelled, "Mista J, whatcha doin? Talk!"

Trying to recover he said, "Harley what a surprise!

You're up now, but more so when you're flying through the skies!"

"But I didn't do nuttin'" she said, pleading.

While the Joker's rage was underneath seething.

"Harley, if you're intention is to turn me good. . . ."

Then she yelled, "But I'd never, even if I could!"

The Joker stopped, shocked, then moved but an inch

Saying, "But I saw you're adoration of that loathful grinch!"

"Oh him!" she exclaimed, "he's not all the hype.

He turns good at the end, he's not really my type."

Joker realized that Harley wasn't his foe.

His plot now seemed pointless and his smile sunk low.

Then he challenged that thought and resumed his joy.

Losing his revenge, he assumed a new ploy .

Joker then inched closer and said with a smirk,

"But I set up this catapult and I did all this work."

"Don't you dare" she proclaimed, in an angered fury.

As Joker unleashed the catapult in a rapid hurry.

Harley sailed through the breeze in her little red suit

As passerby thought it must be Santa on route.

And I heard her exclaim as she flew overhead

"Maybe I was wrong, I should have listened to Red!"

The End


End file.
